fredag 18. august 2017

Funny, that.

I require someone, anyone, actually - to be awake in order to tell said being that I love you. Because I'm selfish, and somebody, anybody, probably deserves to hear it.

torsdag 17. august 2017

tirsdag 15. august 2017

How was your day?

I woke up at two o’clock, or 14:00, if that makes more sense, after going to bed around five in the morning. Then I took a shower, checked my communication devices for updates, got dressed and went to work.

Had less than four hours at work, bought a pizza that I heated for dinner on the way home, then spent the rest of the day/evening online in RP, and watched two-three episodes of DS9 before heading to bed around two hours past midnight.


How was your day?

mandag 14. august 2017

Droid penis = vibrator.

Better not think too much about that.

I read some powerful words tonight. The person in question, perhaps because of the position, makes them even more powerful. Taken out of context, they appear beautiful and lovely. Unfortunately, they are not.

“I don't want any pity, I just want to be cuddled and loved.”

Powerful words.

Words hiding darkness and pain. Suffering. Sweet sickness.

My own thoughts on the matter, as my own history has taught me, makes my position differently. Although, I can reflect, with great regret, on the respite it brings.

I don't want any pity, I just want to be cuddled and loved.

Pity, much as loyalty, is a fickle thing.

Do you remain loyal to a person, or to an organization? What happens when the person in change no longer follows the same creed as the organization once did? Do you come for Womble and stay for Cyanide?

The inability to help, to cause betterment, but instead plan the wrongdoings that ultimately go far different than you expect is very much like brainstorming the idea of a book tuning video game with a friend of yours. What am I saying; of course, they’re nothing alike.

A Life is Strange inspired game with the Christian seven deadly sins in bodily form, a complex character creation and multiple twists and turns along the way to discover what is actually going on.

They say of the Acropolis where the Parthenon is…

I don't want any pity, I just want to be cuddled and loved.

fredag 11. august 2017

Starlight x 2

So, I’ve just spent 2500 on a jacket that I thought cost 250. Not that I couldn’t afford it – and it was a very nice jacket – it’s just a bit consumerist of me. The entire day has been like that, to be honest. Well, since I woke up again, that is, and met whom I shall call Miss Wolff in the Friends and Castle universe. Before that I had snot and tears running at 05:30 local time for no apparent reason.

I’d say today was a treat in many ways.

Ice coffee in the summer is enjoyable.


Three brave people came to the iceberg: the engineer, the monster slayer, the healer. They came here ready to disarm explosives, to fight monsters, to tend to the wounded.


There’s a vote coming up in a month’s time, too. While I hold no political career at present, it is enough for me to stay true to my ideals and go green. But not Soylent.

Remember, dear reader, that I love you, and that love is strong in this world.

torsdag 10. august 2017

Being Starfleet.

Being a member of Starfleet is never easy. Upholding the conduct, following the rules, being the best possible being and/or version of yourself at any given time? I don’t think I’m Starfleet material.

While trying, even with the best of intentions, can even have fatal consequences – and not just for yourself.
Writing something for someone else and you find yourself losing the smile, the joy in your eyes, and sighing with resigning resentment.

But you are strong. Even if you’re maybe not Starfleet, you’re strong. And that matters.

onsdag 9. august 2017

Subtle meaning.

It’s fine.
It really couldn’t possible get any worse, but no doubt it will.


That’s certainly one way of looking at it.
That’s certainly the wrong way of looking at it.


With all due respect:
You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.


No, no: honestly, my fault.
It was exceedingly your fault and we both know it.

 
No harm done.

You have caused complete and utter chaos.


I’m sure it’ll be fine.
I fully expect the situation to deteriorate rapidly.

tirsdag 8. august 2017

I didn’t feel pretty in a dress yesterday.

Which is an entirely new sensation, and one I would, to be honest, prefer to be without. Though, this comes from the same person who wishes to be on the receiving end of an armed robbery – because then she’d know what it was feeling like and could relate to the experience.

Seeking help is admitting there’s a problem you can’t deal with on your own.

søndag 6. august 2017

Polyamory

(Everything is taken from the wikipedia page concerning this subject, but it's worth reading, none the less.)

Separate from polyamory as a philosophical basis for relationship, are the practical ways in which people who live polyamorously arrange their lives and handle certain issues, as compared to those of a generally more socially acceptable monogamous arrangement.
Values
·         Fidelity and loyalty: Many polyamorists define fidelity not as sexual exclusivity, but as faithfulness to the promises and agreements made about a relationship. As a relational practice, polyamory sustains a vast variety of open relationship or multi-partner constellations, which can differ in definition and grades of intensity, closeness and commitment. For some, polyamory functions as an umbrella term for the multiple approaches of ‘responsible non-monogamy.’ A secret sexual relationship that violates those accords would be seen as a breach of fidelity. Polyamorists generally base definitions of commitment on considerations other than sexual exclusivity, e.g. "trust and honesty" or "growing old together".
·         Communication and negotiation: Because there is no "standard model" for polyamorous relationships, and reliance upon common expectations may not be realistic, polyamorists often advocate explicitly negotiating with all involved to establish the terms of their relationships, and often emphasize that this should be an ongoing process of honest communication and respect. Polyamorists will usually take a pragmatic approach to their relationships; many accept that sometimes they and their partners will make mistakes and fail to live up to these ideals, and that communication is important for repairing any breaches.
·         Trust, honesty, dignity, and respect: Most polyamorists emphasize respect, trust, and honesty for all partners. Ideally, a partner's partners are accepted as part of that person's life rather than merely tolerated, and usually a relationship that requires deception or a "don't ask don't tell" policy is seen as a less than ideal model.
·         Boundaries and agreements: Poly relationships often involve negotiating agreements, and establishing specific boundaries, or "ground rules"; such agreements vary widely and may change over time, but could include, for example: consultation about new relationships; devising schedules that work for everyone; limits on physical displays of affection in public or among mixed company; and budgeting the amount of money a partner can spend on additional partners.
·         Gender equality: Some polyamorists do not believe in different relationship "rules" based on gender (this is arguably in contrast to some forms of religious non-monogamy, which are often patriarchically based). Sometimes, couples first expanding an existing monogamous relationship into a polyamorous one, may adhere to gender-specific boundaries, such as when a wife agrees not to engage sexually with another male at her husband's request, but may be allowed to have romantic and sexual relationships with women. Such terms and boundaries are negotiable, and such asymmetric degrees of freedom among the partners (who need not be of different genders) are often due to individual differences and needs, and may be understood to be temporary within a negotiated time frame, until further opening up of the relationship becomes practicable or easier for the parties to handle emotionally.
·         Non-possessiveness: Many polyamorists view excessive restrictions on other deep relationships as less than desirable, as such restrictions can be used to replace trust with a framework of ownership and control. It is usually preferred or encouraged that a polyamorist strive to view their partners' other significant others (often referred to as OSOs) in terms of the gain to their partners' lives rather than a threat to their own (see compersion). Therefore, jealousy and possessiveness are generally viewed not so much as something to avoid or structure the relationships around, but as responses that should be explored, understood, and resolved within each individual, with compersion as a goal.

Effects upon domesticity
Benefits of a polyamorous relationship might include:
·         The ability of individuals to discuss issues with multiple partners, potentially mediating and thus stabilizing a relationship, and reducing polarization of viewpoints.
·         Emotional support and structure from other committed adults within the familial unit.
·         A wider range of adult experience, skills, resources, and perspective.
·         Support for companionate marriages, which can be satisfying even if no longer sexually vital, since romantic needs are met elsewhere. This acts to preserve existing relationships.
·         More emotional, intellectual and sexual needs met as part of the understanding that one person cannot be expected provide all. Conversely, polyamory offers release from the monogamist expectation that one person must meet all of an individual's needs (sex, emotional support, primary friendship, intellectual stimulation, companionship, social presentation).

Specific issues affecting relationships

The skills and attitudes needed to manage polyamorous relationships add challenges that are not often found in the traditional "dating-and-marriage" model of long-term relationships. Polyamory may require a more fluid and flexible approach to love relationship, and yet operate on a complex system of boundaries or rules. Additionally, participants in a polyamorous relationship may not have, nor expect their partners to have, preconceptions as to the duration of the relationship, in contrast to monogamous marriages where a lifelong union is generally the goal. However, polyamorous relationships can and do last many years.
Polyamorists cite the human tendency towards jealousy and possessiveness as major hurdles in polyamory, and also as personal limitations to overcome:
Posessiveness can be a major stumbling block, and often it prevents what could be a successful polyamourous relationship from forming. When people are viewed, even inadvertently, as posessions, they become a commodity, a valuable one at that. Just as most people are reluctant to let go of what little money that they have, people are also reluctant to "share" their beloved. After all, what if zie finds someone else who is more attractive/intelligent/well-liked/successful/etc.. than zie, and decides to abandon the relationship in favor of the new lover? These sorts of inferiority complexes must be resolved, completely, before a polyamourous relationship can be truly successful.

Compersion

Compersion (or, in Britain, frubble) is an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy, and the term is regularly used by members of the polyamory community in the context of polyamorous relationships. It is used to describe when a person experiences positive feelings when a lover is enjoying another relationship.

Polyamorous views on jealousy and compersion

The concept of compersive behavior is commonly known within the so-called polyamorous community, and was originally coined by the Kerista Commune in San Francisco, who also coined polyfidelity to describe their relational ideal.
In romantic relationships, thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over the anticipated loss of a partner or of that partner's attention, affection, or time elicit both compersion and jealousy as natural reactions to perceived complexities of non-monogamy and are quite extensively covered in polyamorous literature.
Some polyamorous people state belief that jealousy will inherently occur in open romantic relationships. Compersion has often been referred to as "the opposite of jealousy".

Formal definitions of compersion

·         PolyOz — "the positive feelings one gets when a lover is enjoying another relationship. Sometimes called the opposite or flip side of jealousy." They comment that compersion can coexist with jealous feelings.
·         The Polyamory society — "the feeling of taking joy in the joy that others you love share among themselves, especially taking joy in the knowledge that your beloveds are expressing their love for one another".
·         The InnKeeper — "A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship. ... Compersion does not specifically refer to joy regarding the sexual activity of one's partner, but refers instead to joy at the relationship with another romantic or sexual partner. It's analogous to the joy parents feel when their children get married, or to the happiness felt between best friends when they find a partner."
·         From Opening Up, Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio writes that compersion is, in part, "the ability to turn jealousy's negative feelings into acceptance of, and vicarious enjoyment for, a lover's joy". (p. 175)

lørdag 5. august 2017

“Meh” is a very strange-looking number.

Have I ever mentioned that I love your portrayal of FemShep in Angma's example? I never liked the character BioWare came up with, but you're totally nailing it. She's strong, capable leader and a hottie at the same time. (dream emote)
Friend of mine, describing a character of mine.

Girls in plastic cages shouldn’t throw dolls around.

Selfish bitch.
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues

Well, it could be worse. Could be a swastika made out of dicks.
Don't know about anyone else but all this talk of swastikas made of dicks is getting me in the mood for some gay neo-nazi porn.
Xarl II would be all over that if he had eyes to watch it with. 

Difference and different approaches make for variety, not hierarchy.

Five men were guarding a tower. Twenty minutes later only one of them was left: three were now dead and the fourth had gone for waffles.

Don't walk around zombie malls with a copy of Playboy: it doesn't impress girls.

And the big limousine disappeared.

fredag 4. august 2017

Where words fail, music speaks.

Is the breaking of a heart set to a certain musical theme? Is the disharmony of tears a product of grief alone, or merely the cover of numbness?

How can a world crumble around you as you experience loss on such a profoundly deep and personal level?

And even if it is not, then you fear that it is, and you cannot think, cannot feel anything but the terror, the pain, the hopelessness of it - and you break down inside.

The most effective way of changing is to want to become someone else, usually someone better, in the eyes of another.

Change is scary. The unknown itself is scary.

Putting a song on repeat you didn't have a sense of familiarity with in a situation such as this before you find something else that is just as shutting down.

The ability to survive does not include living.

I don't hate you.

I don't want to hate you.

Please let me not.

Not hating you.

I'm just a girl, sitting in front of a computer, trying to explain her feelings to someone else, someone far, far away, and never near - never physical, but in the heart and mind, always present.

If you go, I want to follow.

I know I can't. I know I won't do any good. That I've already squandered many a chance to do something, anything, with my on life.

And the reflection doesn't make it better.

tirsdag 1. august 2017

Golden crescent.

Tonight there was one. I didn’t see it rise, didn’t see it set, but I beheld it before midnight. It was beautiful.

And just like that, the night has passed.

Morning brings many things and thoughts.