torsdag 27. juli 2017

Sharing is believing.

A friend of mine wrote the following:

Okay so I had a nice (alcohol based) discussion with one of my best friends tonight. In that discussion I touched upon something they'd never considered before. So I thought I'd briefly outline it to the world and maybe it could spark some kind of discussion. This is only my feeling and I've no scientific backing for this.
To me, there are four types of attraction. They are platonic, romantic, aesthetic, and sexual.
There are many people that I find aesthetically attractive. These people are beautiful, I enjoy being in their presence just because they are so gosh darn pretty. They are extremely numerous.
There are people who I find platonically attractive. There are many of them too, I want to get to know them, I want them to know me. The people I keep company with all have some high level of platonic attractiveness to me.
There are people that I find romantically attractive. These are the people I want to feel that special closeness from. That I want to be close too. There are a few of them but not so many.
Sexual attraction is a fleeting idea for me, rarely felt but not non existent. Rare enough at least for me to not consider it highly when thinking about my relationships to other people.
To me, everyone has some level of these four attractions. But just because I find someone aesthetically attractive, and romantically attractive, does not mean I'll ever find them sexually attractive. I understand that it's easy to conflate those two things and come to the conclusion that it is in fact the third. But that's generally not the case.
Similarly, while I value platonic and romantic attraction highly, the value I place on relationships is not really weighted in favour of either. Romantic attraction for me is rarer so might seem more special, but I value my friends higher than anything. Which is why my girlfriend (for example) is such a fantastic friend first, romance is a secondary factor.
Sexual attraction seems to stand alone almost, when I put it like that. But that's not really the case. I don't think it's possible for me to be sexually attracted to anyone that I don't have a platonic or romantic attraction to. Aesthetic attraction seems to play a very minor role in this comparatively, but it's in there too.
These are just my thoughts about myself and about how I view the world. It's in my nature to analyse these things but I love to hear other people's opinions. So, does my theory hold any weight to you?

As I started pondering this, I arrived at the conclusion that I can relate to all four. Now, as I’m a far more sexual creature than what my dear friend have described. Sex is still sex, but that’s not the peak in anyone’s romantic relationship – despite what Mass Effect would have you believe.

Let me start in a random order, because keeping things strict and regulated becomes boring at times.

I currently have two people in my life that I’m romantically attracted to. Both of them are extraordinary persons, strong, courageous and inspiring. And I dare say that I love them both, in somewhat different ways. If you have no idea how that’s even possible, see my previous post about being poly. Or just click on THIS link. 

Now, aesthetically attraction… oh, dear. Mostly I just admire good-looking folks from afar and I’m too shy to go up and spark a conversation. Or it’s the lack of confidence. Either way, beauty is the subject of your own personal view, but there are of course the simple “wow, that person is gorgeous” and everybody can see it. The being with the cards mentioned in the Second Exalted March fits this description perfectly.

Sexual attraction is different. To me, it is simply “do I fancy having sex with this person”, and then either ticking off the yes/no box in my mind. Do keep in mind that sexual attention and attraction can grow over time, just as friendship – for example, someone says something that automatically makes to widen your eyes in eager delight and suddenly finding yourself wanting to discuss certain topics in a more intimate setting. Most of my relations can actually fit in this category.

Platonic attraction. Is this friendship? I think it is. That can actually make this the most powerful of all attractions. Platonic love is still love, and what is friendship, if not an expression of that love? This is where you place family and other dearest and nearest ones.

Of course, I may be entirely wrong in interpreting this.
((Also, I'm sharing this on Facebook, because credits are due where credits are due.))

onsdag 26. juli 2017

Expect the unexpected.

There are moments that take you completely by surprise. Twists, turns, curve balls, call it what you want. These moments happen and there’s not much we can do to brace ourselves for them.

What matters is that life goes on.

We carry on, scuttling about, trying to make the world a better place. Because we can. And because we must.

mandag 24. juli 2017

Now, let us crush something soft and watch it fountain blood. That is a girlish thing to want to do, yes?

Girls come in many variations, in case you didn't already knew that.

There’s a certain conversation that I’ve come to recall.

- You are like her in some ways. You have the same poise, the same air of nobility.
- Oh, I am hardly noble.
- I learned that nobility isn't just something you are born with. I have met nobles who were petty and mean—complete degenerates. Then there are people with a certain dignity and grace. It draws you to them, no matter who you are, or who they are. I think that the lowest peasant can have the most noble spirit and it will always shine through. It is this nobility of spirit that you share with her.
- Why... thank you. It is very kind of you to say that.

torsdag 20. juli 2017

When the radio you walk by plays Everybody Hurts.

And all you can think about is putting it on repeat.
So you do.
The attack begins at nightfall.
Do you?
Big decision.
So you wait it out.
Burn the witch, they said.
I don’t.
Only the piano breaks tears.
Silent running.
Winter wedding?
When the day is not your own.
Knife cutting cheese.
Hold on.
And smile.
You never know what battles are fought by those passing you by.
And so it comes to this.
Silence of the past.
Haunted doors and wardrobes.
Hurting rain.
Had enough?

Enough now.

mandag 17. juli 2017

RIP Romero.

Going to be a week filled with dread and zombies now, and not the kind of undead you want to invite into your home.


That reminds me - I need to update my survival kit. And find a new safe house.



INFP: Acting like your dark, brooding thoughts make you superior to other people because you’re deeper and more complex than they are.

Can’t really say I disagree with that, least not on a bad day. Prefer the other one, to be frank.
Mediator – Poetic, kind and altruistic people, always eager to help a good cause.

I’ll add the link again, if you don’t know what I’m going on about.
And the link to the first statement, too.
Best leave it at that.

søndag 16. juli 2017

Woman in purple.

Colors are important. As a pale person, I prefer purple, black, green, stripes, earthly colors, and what I can feel good/sexy/fabulous in – not to mention what suits my mood.

With a somewhat pale complexion and hair of light brown – or dark dirty blond, if that means anything to you – with a touch of red in it (only visible under certain circumstances and lightning), I must of course take this into the account: as I expect most other people would do when selecting their clothing.

Have you considered scaling the watchtower?

No bite marks on the neck, no robe of swirling at the back, no sharp teeth of white in the moonlight. Tonight, poetic blood sings alone.

søndag 2. juli 2017


Second exalted march done and over.

Sunburn report: face only (feels like it, not showing).
Muscle soreness: behind the knees and a little down the legs from there (mild), not arms (surprising), shoulders worst (unexpected).
Random pleasant encounters: four (a nice reporter for breakfast company, a lovely inspirational being in a fantastic outfit before the parade, a potential new friend sharing water and food with after as well as an dear old friend walking by without noticing that I had go after just to hug).

Saturday morning: shower, preparation.
Saturday breakfast: last year's location.
Saturday's event: Pride Parade.
Saturday sleep: in order not to collapse.
Saturday evening: Skyfall.

Reminded me of English Operative. Missed him and the gang.

Sunday brings the dawn.

We still got a roa long road to walk go.

Plan for the next Pride: political, bring something for the breakfast, seriousness.

Small wins.

Might as well give an account of what happened.

I dressed in all black and with practical shoes, alas - no photos, sorry. Originally planning to do something similar as last year, I didn't -the second random encounter of the day took care of that. Instead, I marched with a small piece of paper of light purple, white and green with the following text:
       We're here 
     We're queer 
  Get used to it 
Had a lot of smiles and positive reactions from bystanders as I passed them by, so I hopped and skipped and jumped - when I wasn't being serious. Had to take a few breaks from carrying the thing up high above my head, too, so from time to time it was on chest level. Did carry it the entire march, though.

Pinned the thing up on a wall back home as a memento. In honor. Full colors. No, not just because of the Sense8 reference - the lovely creature of inspiration noticed, though - and that is why I was handed it specifically out of the five options. I sincerely hope our paths cross again sometime in the future.

It was a good march. A lonely experience as I spent most conscious thoughts (when not actively using my brain cells on some other task) of someone I wish was there with me.

The world of men will fall and burn. Not necessarily in that order.
The age of humanity is ending.
The time of us humans remains.
Are we our very own nemesis?

One day, my love. One day.

torsdag 22. juni 2017

Sharing this since a member of the community made me aware of the clip in question. Personally, I’m at 5/7 – one rather obvious, the other not so much. Care to guess?

Also, MaevarisTilani is a new favorite. Go figure, right? Powerful magic user,
Now, if you’re reading this and wondering why I’m silent on other forums, arenas and various forms of communication – the answer is simple: My own computer remains net less. Therefore, further sharing of thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams in the shape of words and voice is not only improbable, but also impossible, for the time being. But hey, at least she’s got the look.

And we go na na na na na na na na.

onsdag 21. juni 2017

Permission to come aboard, Captain?

The shuttle was approaching the USS Pier. Having been spending quite some time getting upgraded – not all system were operational, despite her status as cleared – the list of minor tweaks must have been long as a year’s worth of bad reports.

The Commander couldn’t help but smile. A familiar sight, alt last. Home again.
Browsing through the crew list, she noticed certain changes. Junior-Lieutenant Knuma had applied for reassignment, while the ships’ chief medical officer, doctor Flebb, had left for other reasons. Chief of security, Mar’k’kek, was gone as well, and the cute Andorian, Fri’gda, had moved on shortly after her own departure. Then there was the owner of Amor. That caused more than a sting.

Upon stepping on the bridge for the very first time made a certain silence sweep across the room. The Commander looked around, keeping herself balanced and appearing at ease, despite the withdrawn and neutral face. Then the Captain rose.

-          Permission to come aboard, ma’am?
-          Permission granted. Welcome back, Nomi.

The Commander finally dared a smile and the Captain beamed right back at her. Crossing the distance, she opened her arms in a warm welcome. The embrace was longer than usual. Probably not up to Starfleet protocol, but – three years and a whole lot of long distance missions made up for it. Not like any of the officers would file a complaint. Instead, more than one acknowledged the Commander with pleasant smiles, nodding gently at her before carrying on with their tasks.
It took a few days to settle in and get to know some of the new additions a bit better, as well as reconnect with old friends. The Commander knew it was not really what you would call those you served alongside with. However, on the USS Pier rank and regulation played less a part than trust and genuine co-operation.

Though not all the changes where of the bad kind: Lieutenant Cami seemed to be up for promotion soon, and Lieutenant-Commander Tabakk remained just as active as before, even with his additional duties off-ship. Lieutenant-Commander Cezzelizze was due some shore leave – well earned, as usual – and her smile rivaled only that of Captain Jek. Commandant Ratve was absent due to her family, but Admiral Teima poked her head up an early morning and wished the Commander a happy return before heading back to what must have been an endlessness list of inspections.
Lieutenant-Commander Anc’sche, another former officer, had requested her old post back, and like the Commander been accepted. It only took a chance meeting during a course for the two of them set the tone, followed by a shared shift, and the Commander knew that the Lieutenant-Commander was going to be a friend on the same level as the rest of the bridge crew.

A similar story went for Lieutenant Vibast – also an old hand. While they had only met once while the Commander was on duty and the Lieutenant on furlough, they had never actually served together – circumstances had made them bypass each other. The Lieutenant was therefore an unknown to the Commander in an otherwise flawless familiar bridge crew.
Despite all the upgrades, the ship itself remained the same. So too, had the crew. The sensors and the engines, the weaponry and the interior – all new, shiny and up to proper Starfleet standard. Only the outside hull, the name and designation number remained of the USS Pier. However, the crew had asked to avoid reassignment, and had even aided in the work on getting her up to shape. The Commander had mixed feelings regarding that – she should have been a part of it, not only coming back as the ship was ready to head out to active duty once more. Still, she was back, and just in time for the next big adventure.

Commander Nomi had barely time to recall some of the science team, Rohordra and Hayhay, before they too offered their own unique “welcome home” bit, making her secretly vowing to do that department justice in her logs.


-       There must be some kind of way outta here,

said the joker to the thief.

-       There are many here among us, who feel that life is but a joke. There's too much confusion.

-       Hey, no reason to get excited,

the thief kindly spoke.

-       None were level on the mind, nobody up at his word. Business men, they drink the wine while plowman dig the earth.

-       I can't get any relief.

-       Women come and go; barefoot servants, too.

-       Well, we've been through that, and this is not our fate.

Outside in the cold distance, two riders were approaching while the wind began to howl.
It was getting late.

søndag 11. juni 2017

Nomi and the night.

Throwing up is always an experience. Throwing up on an empty stomach leaves much more acid, or a higher concentration of acid, in your mouth.

I flushed the toilet and brushed my teeth. Now I’m sipping water with wet lips. Would have liked to nibble on a dry cracker, though my gut tells me it's too soon to try.

You can add the full moon and lack of nourishment from yesterday, too.

Been some sailing last days with the guns pointed at the deck, going up and down.

In a few more hours, I’ll be walking with a dog and a once again coworker who bought me Smiles/smiles and brought hugs to our reunion.

Do you recall the Simon and Garfunkel son that ends with “the morning is just a few hours away”? Technically, it became morning at 04:00 (AM, not PM – duh).

My connection, or lack of it, only allows for a single page refresh before it stops all together. Takes ages logging on to anything. Nevertheless, that’s what I have to do in order to post and share this.

By now I’ve given up trying to disconnect and reconnect as the process takes even longer and there is no guarantee that I’ll be able to get back on during the first try.

As an MMO player, it’s not optimal.

About an hour, took it.

I’ve learned to keep Skype on the bottom tab of the screen, and move forward when it’s not showing the update sign. Unfortunately, there is no logic or time-frame, and I can easily skip some of it because it’s not 100% accurate and the signal for web access doesn’t cooperate with it at all.

And then, all of a sudden, the net decides to play ball and work with me, allowing me access, but not so much to actually post my writings.

By saving everything I wrote down, I assured myself that it would not get lost in the "progress, working, sorry - not working".

Just plain luck I was able to get this out at all.

Homeward bound. Or, well, home is where your heart is, so your real home's in your chest.